I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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