its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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