Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
