i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
