Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to sanitize my soul.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
