my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
