im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
