i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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