i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
