No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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