my sisters under your porch take her home
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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