I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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