I never want to see another naked old woman again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
