I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
