***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Me too!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
