last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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