I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
