I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
