That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just had sex bonerless
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
