IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
