I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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