He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
