No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
