I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
