Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
