Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize