She is in my trunk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize