I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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