Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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