3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
