I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
