After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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