I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
