Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
