No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
