There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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