Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
