Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
