1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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