where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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