dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
