it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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