my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
