Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
