im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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