Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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