i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
