my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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