Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
