and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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