Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
