Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
