Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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