just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i love accidental penises.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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