Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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