During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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