i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
