I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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