I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
