exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
