her vagina looked like bernie madoff
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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