just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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