I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
