this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
