So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
