cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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