ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
