he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
