The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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