when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
