he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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