Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We are all done wearing pants today
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
