he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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