i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
