Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
