But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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