I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
