Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
