If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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