Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
