Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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