another moral hangover. fuck.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
