I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
