not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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