So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
