my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
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found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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