Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
