oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
