We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
