12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize